MONDAY NIGHT

8:12 PM
Well.

Yep, I’m just hanging out in my room. Where is the remote?

To the fan. Oh gosh.

Okay. Yeah, I just had to dim The Light because

I’m really tired and it hurts my face.

I was thinking earlier, I was on the treadmill at the gym and something broke the fucking Bench, press machine which is the only reason I even go to the gym. I’ve got everything else at home except the treadmill. I have a neighborhood to walk around in, you know.

Um, hopefully next week I will have money. Haha I think I’ve got my afterpay stuff straightened out.

Minus, you know, 300, I think dollars Yeah, uh, which really sucks?

Oh, maybe 200. Yeah, I think so. Anyways, hopefully I’ll have enough when I get paid. Next week to, um, pay off the

Loan thing and then re get it haha and uh,

You know, who knows, how much money I’ll have left after that, but I got to get the kids and we got to do stuff and Yeah, next week. Is my shutdown week. I got 9 days off in a row and

Everybody is looking forward to that like nobody is not looking super forward to that shit.

I don’t know, Brittany, pecking on my blog and stuff. I don’t know. I got a lot of hits this morning, like, in bursts on them. I don’t know if it was her or what, you know. Sometimes if it’s her if she wants me to know it’s her, she includes a bunch of weird crap with it. I don’t know what she does or what her life is really like, you know, I used to could kind of tell a little bit

From stuff she posted, but that kind of that went off the

She, she made all her posts, like, friends, only with limit your past posts thing, you know, she did that.

And I have to, like, Log into 1 of my fake accounts to look at her crap and I unblocked it and I was looking all at her stuff this morning.

And sometimes I’ll go back every now and then because it’s so crazy that this is who she is. But there’s this guy who used to play, uh, Wait, he played cello at mine, and my ex-wife’s wedding. And it’s his ex-girlfriend. That’s who Brittany is and it’s really funny. Because she’s just like a totally different person now. Uh, you know, this was a decade ago, but it’s like it’s not even the same person, she doesn’t look like like the

At all like the same person. It’s like if you look at a picture of her now and a picture of her then and I I have half a mind to fucking like post that. To like, post two a side by side pictures. But I’m not going to go that far. I ought to though I like, yeah, I should. But I’m not going to but like it’s insane. How it’s like, there’s no way. This is the same person but it is And, And uh, gosh, I did. I used to think he was the luckiest fucking dude, ever. And I don’t know what happened. I know he ended up, I don’t know if he left her for this chick, or if they broke up and then he got with this. Uh, the 1 who ever he’s with now. I don’t know if they’re married or if they’re just still engaged or something. I don’t know. You know, I don’t really I don’t care that much, right? To just like investigate, so deep into this crap but like, She looks like a different version of Brittany, like, with this, like With less tattoos. Yeah. Like her hair was like

Flipped over to 1 side and shaved around the sides. I don’t think Brittany does that anymore though. But like, you know, a few years ago, it was And it’s like well that just looks like another version of Brittany with less tattoos. Yeah.

I don’t know, I don’t know what happened but something. Somewhere happened. And Somebody was messing with him, uh, not too long. After like she had done a bunch of stuff to me and I figured it was probably her. Yeah. I don’t have any idea like what all went on with that but they were together for a few years. And they looked so happy, she looked really happy and just

I mean she was like, just the cutest thing I ever saw and I was I was kind of jealous that was towards the end of my marriage and I was like you know I’m not going to say it though, like because my ex-wife is so awesome to me now, She really is like she just let me borrow 40 bucks or you know, so like yeah. You know, and a lot of that stuff. Was just anyways, I’m not. It’s fine, like it it is you know it’s it’s I’m still really messed up.

8 years later, you know, but that’s just how it goes. Um, But I was always always wished. I could like you know, wish I had a girlfriend like that, you know, and

That’s kind of. What’s so crazy about? Like I’d forgotten all about her when I started Honda and I was like, you know, dang like I can’t I could not believe it. That is who she was and if I would have known that if I would have had any idea of

Uh,

That it was the same person. I would have talked to her, it wouldn’t even have been that big of a deal. I wouldn’t have freaked out or anything. I just been like, hey, you’re you know,

And I would have just made like, Stupid fucking small talk and Stuff. And

It would have been different but then it’s like, you know, why did they Split up like I have no idea so you know, but something went wrong somewhere because it’s it’s so crazy how she just does not Even look like the same person like The Aura or the whatever you want to call it. Her vibe, like, looking at those pictures. It’s totally like, just not even the same at all. Like the same person at all. It’s so remarkable. How she’s just not even like it’s like 2 completely different people. If you were to look at a pic of her from 2017 and then look at one from the last few years, you wouldn’t know, it was the same person. Unless you knew it was the same person. Yeah, that’s kind of like dang. That’s how that’s 1 reason why I didn’t know. Who the heck, she was. I didn’t just didn’t think in a million years that’s who she was. Is uh, because I went 1 day like this was like April of 2023. And I just went, like, looking on her Instagram, because she’s got

A fuck, I don’t remember.

700 some odd posts. And I scrolled all the way back. I think to like the very beginning of it which I have like 900 and something posts now. But uh I just thought that was a lot of fucking posts back. Then that’s back. When I only had like a few hundred,

But um I started scrolling back. I was like man this guy looks familiar, you know this dude because he’s real distinctive looking.

Well kind of I guess. But, uh, and really the only thing I know about him is, he’s a musician. He’s a local Gadsden musician and he played cello at my wedding. And uh, he seemed cool. You know, I talked to him that was back. I added him on my space back then. Yeah. I was like, you’re on my space and he was like yeah, I was like, I’m gonna add you, because you seem pretty cool. And I was so drunk though. Hahaha But uh anyways, Yeah, I was scrolling back something, man. That guy looks so familiar and I saw some of the tags. And I was like, oh gosh that’s oh my gosh you know it was like they went to The Cheesecake Factory and all this stuff and I was like, no way that’s who he is. And then it hit me, then it all just kind of hit me and this is after I had already pissed her off, really bad freaking out and running away. You know, like gosh this was, you know, it was already really late into the whole thing. Uh, I think about a week or 2 later is when I got Well, the first nail that I know was her in my fucking tire. I mean, it just, you know, and I don’t know why it had to drive me as crazy as it did. But it did. I mean it was like,

Like the most visceral fucking nervous. Craziest fucking shit. Like I couldn’t get within 5 feet of her without shaking, like a crazy person. Nobody ever had that effect on me before. And I forget that now, looking back as, like, God, how stupid was? I, you know, but it’s like, not really.

I literally threw up on myself.

1 time when she was like trying to get me to meet her at the gas station. And I was like, I can’t, you know she can’t see me like this, you know and it really I could tell it really like,

I’m not really sure the word affected, I guess, in a negative way. Uh, I don’t say like hurt. But yeah that and pissed her off and gosh a lot of other kind of you know volley of emotions That it did. But I should have just pulled in and been like, hey, I threw up on myself. I was so nervous. You know, she might have thought that was cute or gross. Super gross like who throws up on themselves because of a girl. You know, I do.

Yeah. And uh, I was just thinking about all that this morning then I just got really, really sad. And, uh, because I was looking at her, um,

Facebook and she’s got like, I don’t know what she’s doing. I really don’t. I really don’t even care. To speculate on that here in any capacity at all. But it’s like, okay, Brittany. Yeah, and uh, you would just have to know the whole like even more. There’s so much more to this, though. But I just

She doesn’t leave me alone. That’s the bottom line. It’s like why?

Yeah. Like, huh, Brittany and if you uh, Ever, you know, if you read this article because sometimes she reads the Articles she don’t just peck, Uh but like it’s just it’s like what are you even still trying to do? You know, it’s like

We could totally. Be together or not if not like why not it’s like you know then why are you still doing this? It’s just really.

It’s just gotten so old to me. Because it’s like we should be together. It’s like I get it all the bullshit but it’s like, okay, like what do you want? So,

You know, like what does she want me to do? What is this? Is she just like I just I don’t understand and I don’t know if it’s really even that important.

For me to understand it, you know? Or like I just don’t, I don’t

What’s, how do I say that? It’s like, I get it but I don’t understand it. Yeah, and I have, I’ve just been like because I cried about this chick.

At least as much as I cried over my ex-wife, it was that bad. It was that fucking bad. And, I just don’t.

Understand, I don’t.

It would make a lot more sense if she just like, left me alone but she doesn’t

8:26 PM
So I don’t I say that makes more sense like I have no idea what makes any sense about her, but it’s

I hate to just go out on a limb and say it’s fucking kind of dumb, you know? It’s like okay, well I’m living my life and I don’t know why like

Like why it still matters, you know? Like, when I saw her, Uh, driving through Guntersville. That’s the main town I grew up in, by the way. Well, she drove right past my storage unit and it’s like, okay, um, And then I honked the horn at her, a whole bunch and I don’t know if what she thought. She thought I was going to like be crazy or something but I’ll just

You know, I was right there and she wouldn’t even look at me but she had been pecking on my blog all morning and I think I mentioned that in a post. Was that yesterday’s posts? It just drove I mean it’s like, you know,

Does she just not want me to forget about her or something? I mean like what’s the deal?

Because it, it’s not. This fun. Crazy. Like, you know, it’s not I don’t think it’s not it’s not the same for me as it is for, her. You know, and I don’t know why.

Like apparently she has a boyfriend and all this stuff and you know, I have no idea. Like I don’t know how full of shit. She is on her Facebook posts. She posts stuff on her, uh,

Massage therapist account because she’s a massage therapist now and it’s like you know good for you, you ruined my life like thanks you know, but I guess that’s kind of like maybe whatever imbalance existed it was rectified and You know, that’s that’s great. You know, my life is still Pretty.

Weird. But uh, it’s not horrible or anything right now, you know, I’m too far away from my kids. I don’t like that.

And uh,

Other than that I really though, that’s really the only thing I’m tired. I work too much.

I was really, I was really sad about. The fucking up my afterpay, but I think I, I can, I think I’ll be able to manage everything.

And we’ve been getting,

A lot of overtime. So maybe I’ll have enough to do the loan. Pay it and then, you know, get it again. And then, you know, if I have 8 or 9 hundred dollars left over, that’s fine.

Um, You know, I’ve been doing a lot with music lately. I’ve been practicing a lot. It’s just kind of been a mix up. Of, uh,

You know, recording stuff. I’ve got Like 4 or 5 songs, recorded enough to where I need to just put the vocals to them. And 1 of them. And that’s the thing though, I got 4 of my very best songs

Uh, out of this whole thing with her, you know, I got I got 7 or 8 songs overall, but

4 of them are the like, just

Some of, if not the very best songs I’ve ever came up with. And,

I don’t really.

I just found my rissy cup Oreos.

My Reese’s couple Rios.

My Reese’s cup Oreos. Jesus was that so hard?

So, I’m going to eat these, I’ve only got like,

4 left. And they’re going to get eaten.

But yeah, I’ve got to get like those songs recorded, there’s um, the Brittany song which I have recorded. And when we were frogs, so I have those 2 recorded. I just got to put the vocals to them. And then there’s pieces of Bob, which I have a really rough version recorded. I’m going to redo that. And then uh, the Honda plant Blues, which is probably That’s 1 of my best songs. It’s funny. Kind of,

I guess I’m trying to think of like the The good things I got out of this Exchange.

It was that, um,

I leveled up as a songwriter. Because of it, I don’t know how worth it that was though. But Maybe.

I got.

Uh yeah, 3 or 4 more like lesser songs like the drive me crazy and make me sad song. It’s To me, not as good as the other 4 but still a pretty decent song and then there’s this other 1 called waste of a love story.

And it’s it’s okay, you know and then there’s uh Stupid empty feeling which is it’s okay, you know.

But I guess to a point though, like and that’s 1 reason why I haven’t done any artwork like I have ideas for it but I haven’t. Done a lot of artwork. Well, I have done some artwork. Yeah, with like frog the frog theme. Um, Because we were frogs in a past life, you know, it’s, it’s kind of funny.

But like some of the crazy stuff I made about my ex fiance like and and some of my like my ex-wife got some really crazy art made out of her. Um, Brittany didn’t get anything like that. And those other songs too. They’re they’re painful though fucking songs and the painful art and I guess there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want her to It’s probably already went to her head enough. Yeah, I figure. And uh, there’s just a part of me that doesn’t feel like she deserves to see or know, just how far that really went because

It would just jack off her fucking emotions.

I mean, am I wrong though?

But I guess at this point, you know, it’s just it has like I just feel like it’s ran its course for me personally. I really really wish things could have been different. Like, so very much.

Um, I don’t know what she’s still trying to get out of me?

You know, like want me together Like Quant aren’t you know like it’s the I mean that’s you know like why is she still?

Why can’t she just like, let me go. You know, it’s uh,

I don’t know, I can speculate, you know, I can be like But,

Yeah, it does like to me it, it does A lot like it has ran, its course. And that’s another thing. Like if I ever was face to face with her in person, that would just be so awkward. And like, you know, I didn’t get to see my kids on a regular basis for a year because of how crazy she drove me. Like, my ex-wife it had really freaked my ex-wife out. She was like, what the fuck? Because, you know, Like of how crazy, uh,

Mental illness, runs on my mom’s side of the family and you know, knowing my mom like my ex-wife does, you know it’s just like It just like I don’t blame her. I really didn’t. And that’s why I was just like yeah and it was it was really crazy and bad and

You know, my kids like everybody knows all about her all my friends and family know who she is and know everything about her and they’re all sick of hearing about it. And it’s just like, dang, Brittany, why are you still pecking on my fucking shit for and have me blocked on Instagram and Facebook, you know, on my main account. It’s just

I don’t know, ridiculous. Now it’s like okay well we could have had something really great 3 and a half or 4 years ago.

And really, all she would have had to do is just try to understand a little bit and be nice to me about it. But she like, I don’t know. That’s was the partly of why it was. What am I trying to? How am I saying this? That’s why it was 1 of the reasons. It was so fucking scary. Yeah, because I just I don’t know. It’s stupid to think about it now, but like I kind of forget because it has been over 3 years since I left Honda but it’s like

No, it was it got really bad. It was like

Yeah, gosh. I don’t know. Well, I feel like I’ve said enough for this post, I just, I would guess part of me wants to get back into making regular posts.

It’s just like, dang.

I guess I feel like I’ve, you know, this post has a little bit. Slightly more like Lucid, uh,

Take. On the whole thing that happened with her. Because I mean you know of course Like I was thinking like you know she’ll peck on it and then she’ll stop and then she’ll come back and peck on it a whole bunch and and you know go away and come back and you know like eventually I think and you know she’ll peck on it for the last time but then she comes back a week or 2 later and You know. Sometimes I think.

I can’t remember the longest she’s ever went without. I mean, a couple of months, maybe I, I can’t remember because You know, like I said, it’s just gotten really old to me now.

It’s like the Mystique is gone, you know the uh, Yeah, it’s totally demystified. It’s like yeah, there’s you know, at this point she’s just kind of like my stalker I guess that’s, uh, That’s a nice way to put it right? Hahaha

Thank you, please.