monday🤮

3:36 PM
Oh God, back to work.

Uh, old roommate. Just texted me about the uh,

The mini fridge just like when am I going to start giving her money for the mini fridge? Cuz she told me I didn’t have to pay her all at once and I started to just go off about How she left a bunch of crap in it and it’s filthy and I could have bought a brand new 1 for $100 and I have 1 in my storage unit and You know, it’s like y’all just come get the fucking thing but, uh, or like, you know, I’m just going to give you $40 and that’s it. And you can fuck yourself if you don’t like it, but I’m not going to do that because I’m too nice.

God, I’m so nice.

I’ll just never forget the way she acted when she took me back and forth to work and I was paying her. What, uh,

It’s about $200 a week. Yeah. You know, including gas. Uh, I think I ended up giving her about $2500 in total.

And when um, you know I was telling everybody about it at work and they were like damn dude you know? Like this 1 Guy is like I will do it for 50 and this other dude was like I’ll do it for free. It’s on the way to work you know. It’s like yeah I know I don’t have to put up with this crap.

Anyways.

Whatever.

I hope there’s nobody in the bathroom when I get ready to get a shower and leave because that’s been the case the last last week like the fucking last 2 days of last week. And then earlier I got up and I was going to just get a shower and somebody was in there and I guess I’m not used to, uh, You know, I don’t know what everybody’s schedules are.

Work around all that. Because I don’t really want. To talk to anybody. A lot of the times I just want to stay in my room. And not interact with people.

Because I do enough of that at work and I’m actually like not looking forward to that. Oh my God, damn it.

Oh, I’m so burned out and tired. But I did get.

A lot of sleep but it wasn’t enough. I want to go back to sleep. I had these crazy ass dreams. That uh, I was in

I don’t know somebody’s walking around, but I can’t tell where they are. I can’t tell if they went into the bathroom or not. They probably did though.

Yeah, I didn’t know what, I didn’t get a shower this whole weekend. I mean after like, I got 1 after work. I think or something. I can’t remember. I stayed up. Really, really late until like 1:00 p.m. Sunday.

Yesterday, I guess. And then

Except for like 4 hours. I slept for like 4 hours and then I went to, um,

Yeah. Sam’s Club. I detailed all that. Yeah. And yesterday’s posts.

But um, Let’s see, I got up, I fell asleep again at like 11:00 and woke up at around 2. Did my chores? Oh my God. I didn’t want to, but I did. And uh, I think I went back to sleep. It was around 6:00 and I woke up at like 3:00, But I had these crazy ass dreams. Um, That I went to, I was in like Columbia or something. In the jungles with some people who were trying to like Find our way out and survive and I rappelled down this cliff. Because I saw, a Boat. I was like I’m going to go Talk to this boat, the people in the boat or something. And I looked back and like some, uh, paramilitary folks had found the other people. I was with and killed them and shot them and I watched them all get shot and I was like oh no. But then I’m on this you know, boat now and uh, There was this chick on the boat. And it was her boat, and she was just like, hey, and she was this little bitty Colombian lady, and she didn’t speak a lot of English and I used my crappy Spanish. It’s like it’s almost an elarco seniorita. And she laughed and then uh, you know, A lot of crazy, you know, a lot of Stuff happened too.

It and my, you know, it was a dream we yeah she was like my girlfriend and um

They’re not in the same dream she like morphed into uh, like another person and it just, it was weird. And then I got back to Alabama and my friend, Natalie was there, I mean, I call her my friend. I don’t know, I just blocked her 1 of her fake accounts.

This, I don’t know, Natalie kind of messed with my heart, a little bit, you know, and uh, oh my goodness.

Yeah, I think that was yeah, somebody said about her but I think they’re getting

It was weird because we were uh, I went, you know, how dreams it was just the transition

Uh, but then we went to, um,

Martling. Like and I was, uh, Having to take care of her, if she tried to hang herself and Um I was like no don’t and I like picked her up and took the Rope off her neck. It was really stupid and uh I had to like take care of her the rest of my dream. I had to find her food and get her stuff and like cuz she was so sad.

I took her roller skating. It’s been over 2 years ago now and uh, I don’t know, she just got so drunk and she’s just just, it was just so much.

I don’t know where to go off talking about Natalie because I have in this blog and it’s like yeah well you know she was a potential love interest but she’s also like 1 of my friends from high school. And, uh, all of my 1 of the big reasons I didn’t date in high school because all the people that I did have shit in common with, they were really just

All they did was pass each other around and um, like

I want any part of that.

I don’t know if somebody is moving around up here. I can’t tell who it is.

It’s funny though, like last year, I had 5 roommates and I could tell who, who was uh, just by the way. They walked up and down the stairs and what rooms, you know, you can Kind of, hear like, uh,

Yeah, I don’t know. I’m tired, I don’t fucking care. I don’t want to get up and do anything. I don’t want to go to work.

God damn it.

Yeah.

I’m really burned out feeling right now.

But yeah, usually like normally I’ll get a

I’ll get up and get a shower at like 4. If I’m on night shift and then I will uh, leave about 4:30 So, I get to the Get to use the gym about a little after 5.

I think I have enough gas to get back and forth to work.

Until I get paid Wednesday.

I have like $15 on my chime. I’ve got Sandwich stuff. I should eat that before I leave.

Oh my God.

Yeah, I just don’t want to do nothing. I, I just haven’t had Enough time off.

I woke up the the dream because it took place in like Like, in my dad’s house, it was weird and I was having to like Um, Like yeah, this is Natalie. You know, everybody was trying to having to introduce her and then tell her that she was sick and I had to take care of her but she was sick in the head and wrote it was like sick in the head. We don’t, you know, want to deal with that. And uh, It’s really stupid but then I woke up and started thinking about my family and how much I hated them

Especially my dad and my sister God, I fucking hate my sister. I do. I kind of act like I, you know, when mom died and everything I was, you know, I was all emotional and nostalgic and stuff. I was like, yeah, I love you. You know too and my sister we talked for a long time. Uh, About my mom and everything and I was like and then you know, I just started thinking about all the fucking

All the other stuff and it’s like, yeah, you know. Piss on my stupid ass sister and she still hasn’t had a memorial service for my mom.

But, you know, I kind of understand that because, uh,

Yeah, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. Its just I was just thinking about my life and how different it is and how I just kind of ended up in Huntsville 2 hours away from my kids.

And the funny thing though about it is like, 6 months, just Zip by or, you know,

10 years.

Fucking 45 years.

I’ll be 46 and uh, in almost 2 months 2 and a half months. So it’s like damn.

I wish I could just kill myself. But I can’t, I guess, I mean, I guess I could. I don’t know, I guess I’m Still Holding Out for it to get better. You know.

God, I’m such a mess. My life is a big, stupid mess still. You know, I still just live paycheck to paycheck or even though I’m making a whole lot more money than I was

2 years ago.

Even 3 years ago when I was still at Honda, you know? But uh,

It’s, it’s crazy. How that all that works. You know.

I think I would have been fine if I hadn’t if I could have uh if I would have been able to do what I wanted to do with my life instead of getting sucked into a bunch of crap with my dad. And you know, I don’t know how things could have went. Uh, if it hadn’t been for that with my ex-wife, but I don’t think it would have lasted forever either just because she didn’t, She didn’t fucking care. I don’t know how she really saw me, you know.

But um, and if I would have just like, got all my stuff and moved somewhere like far away, and Focused on like a music career or something. You know, I probably wouldn’t feel like such a gigantic fuck up right now but I mean that’s just how it goes and there’s nothing I can do about it except just

Well, you know I quit drinking. I quit taking kratom and I quit a lot of stuff that actually kind of helped me. Not

So, it was awful. And it’s picking up everything stupid. This is stupid fucking phone and app. And

I just, I don’t know, I’m just not having a good. Mental health weekend. It’s not the weekend anymore. It’s almost time to get ready to go to work. I’m not having a great time.

Sucks. And I should be happy because I got my old room back.

And I know if I told that old bitch roommate lady off about the you know like you stupid fucking bitch. You know if I cuz I could I could just take this mini fridge to her and be like here. I don’t want it, it’s a piece of shit. You left it all so damn. I have to clean it out. You really you know, you need to pay me to take it like give me twenty dollars to take it. It’s You know. I just I can’t do that. The how like happy that would make me feel for maybe 30 minutes and then I’d feel like an asshole and

Yeah. Then I’d be, you know,

It’s actually kind of funny

Because she is like I mean it’s hard as she was to deal with, sometimes it is really kind of sad.

Yeah, that’s how my mom was too, like, except mom was way more way, more insane, but it was that much more

3:51 PM
Pitiful. Jesus Christ. Yeah, God I’ve got

I’m going to wrap this up and uh maybe I can get a shower. If nobody’s in the bathroom, I don’t know.

I wish I could just blow my fucking brains out. Yeah, I do. That’s like the last thing I want to do is go to work right now, but whatever. It’s my life is so fucking dumb and it’s Just the way it is and I ought to be happy. That was kind of my point. It’s like I I’ve gotten into my old room. I’ve got all this space. I did some cool art over the weekend. It wasn’t a total waste. You know, it’s just

Maybe it will get better. Fuck you? Well, Thank you, please.