TUESDAY MORNING

5:51 AM
Well, I’m charging my other phone, so I’m just going to use this 1. The the fast 1 that I edit with

Oh gosh, I got home about

30 something minutes ago, maybe.

And I got home, and I realized that nobody took the garbage out and it I’m kind of freaked out because I know it’s going to It’s going to be really annoying to the boss lady. But you know, I’m on night, shifts, sleeping schedule and I just didn’t think about it. So I slept, I was asleep like all day. You know yesterday. But if I would have thought for a second, nobody took the garbage out, I would have taken it out. It’s just, you know, there’s a bunch of people living here. Now, I don’t know why. Somebody else didn’t do it. I heard people going in and out of the house, all morning and they kept waking me up.

So, I don’t know. I guess that’s something that kind of made me sad when I noticed like, dang, that’s

That’s not going to be.

That’s going to be annoying at the very least. Yeah to. Uh anyways, though. But, um, gosh, I talked to my sister a little bit and I know I said like a stuff.

The last few posts talking about hating. My dad and hating her but I don’t hate my sister. She had been through a lot of crap. And then she got remarried to this guy who apparently had an affair and a bunch of other dumb crap. And she divorced him and

Uh,

She said he was a

He was a self aggrandising liar in all facets. Yeah of like dang. You know, I could see that it was just it’s just like my dad. Haha Yeah, uh, I think that sucks.

I don’t know. He seemed like a really badass guy but so is my dad. Yeah I mean shit but they got an ego to go with that.

I just couldn’t be like that. I guess that’s a, that’s a big thing I learned from my dad. If anything. Else? I mean any like I learned anything from my dad, it was what not to do and how not to be, and that kind of sucks. Because uh, you know, I didn’t think about that when I was younger and it wasn’t really until I had kids of my own that I began to truly understand my dad. And it sucked. I have uh actually talked about it before how him and my uncle. Were like my 2 biggest Heroes growing up. I thought they were just the most badass awesome fucking guys, ever. And, uh, no. I mean they are as in like as their accomplishments and level of success go but like as character and ethics and shit goes like that. No, not at all.

It’s very selfish. Self-motivated self-absorbed. Arrogant fucking, you know, people

There’s a couple of little babies, that’s what they are. And that when I realized how far that went I felt

Oh my gosh, that was something I really struggled with for a long time. Yeah, like my dad is such a douchebag. But his little brother is even worse so but he’s a better dad. Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know.

I don’t want to talk about my family anymore, but my sister, I just made me feel bad. Like I shouldn’t say stuff like that, about my sister. She just

Kind of broke my heart. The way they all acted when I got divorced

I don’t understand

Well I mean I guess I kind of do. Yeah I mean it speaks for itself but I don’t care. It’s so stupid, like my dad’s such a competitive, meat headed, fucking asshole. You know, I mean, I like, where do I start? Like my mom left him because he wouldn’t stop having Affairs, and that’s just part of it. And then, but then, you know, my mom was also insane and uh, But he did not help, he did not help that at all. It’s uh, it’s really sad to look back on my parents.

Because I thought, you know, they were my parents, I didn’t really

Think about them as being. Deeply flawed, you know, human beings. They were like these super people and they they are. My mom was just, I mean, she had a 7 octave vocal range. You know, like she was just a brilliant musician. And, my dad was just the most badass fucking guy ever. I mean, holy shit, you know? But

Because they were so just all about themselves and that’s What mattered more than anything else was them. Was their own individual shit and they were totally going in 2 different directions. You know, my mom with the gospel music career, and my dad with the uh,

Military career. You know, and Maybe they didn’t really think about It because their parents were so shitty that uh, you know, they probably thought they were great, they were actually great parents compared to their parents except for my grandmother. You know my grandmother was the Was the best grandmother in the universe and that’s like,

I that’s like everybody knew that and my grandma was uh, you know, she was

She, she had her good points too. I don’t know. I guess. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Yeah, I was Just I got home and I ate 2 sandwiches. We had this meeting after work.

And it was about uh, scratching up stuff, like, it’s easy. It’s really, really easy to do and You gotta be more careful about that. Yeah. That was pretty much it. And uh, It kind of made me feel bad because um I really do care about the work that I do. It’s it might be just repetitious stuff over and over and over, but I care because those go out and they’re awesome cars, you know. And I wish I could afford 1. Oh my gosh.

But anyways.

I really need to do some stretches and stuff. I’m kind of feeling all kinked up.

That chick that’s been in my brains. She, um, she knows my sister’s best friend from high school, and I’m tempted to ask her like

The best friend haha not the chick. But uh, I’m tempted to be like, hey, how do you know her? Yeah, but I’m I don’t know that. I ought to

It’s just really crazy. I don’t know, but then she like, she comes and goes like last week. Uh, she was like, I didn’t she wasn’t in my brains after Tuesday, but then Saturday, when I was walking back from the Dollar General, I was like, it was all a sudden. It was just like this. Beam of fucking like it was like blam. Oh my gosh, she’s back. In my brains and it uh drove me a little crazy too

But I can’t message her and I still like I just she was 1 of the scariest chicks I ever met as in like you know she was mean. And uh, You know, 1 thing, I’ve learned from having psycho girlfriends because that’s all. I’ve pretty much ever had with the exception of  exception of 1 of them. Which was the chick from up here, her friend. Haha Yeah, I have had uh,

Every other, it’s just um they don’t have boundaries and you know if you piss them off, just get ready for some crazy shit.

That I don’t want to have to deal with, you know? So, uh,

I don’t send her a friend request because she could just be like, well, this stupid asshole and just like, I have no idea. I’m just afraid of anything like that and then You know. I just

I’m so tired, but that was the thing. I was like, I got home and

I wanted to work on music and I could, I guess, but fuck. I’m so tired. I just ate 2, giant sandwiches and, uh, the rest of that carrot cake,

And I’m kind of ready to just pass out. I don’t know. Uh,

But I’ll have a little bit of money later on. I’m going to do the the pay thing Advanced. Well it’s not really an advanced. You just get paid for the day you work but they can’t they don’t give you all of it, you know.

Like I think, uh,

I think it’s like 91 dollars, which is A less way less than half. Of what I make a day. So um, Anyways, that’s fine. That’s what I’ll get. That’ll get me some basic stuff and then I won’t spend all of it. And then I get paid tomorrow and that just feel really bad about the garbage. Not getting tooken out because I’ve been here the longest And I feel like I should, you know, try to check on things like that because nobody else probably thought about it either. You know. But uh,

Anyways.

Gosh. I’m just, uh,

Blabbering, I don’t know. I’m going to edit the crap out of this but Yeah. I mean, like out of all the chicks who’s ever gotten into my brains? Uh, this actually she’s like been the nicest 1. Like the it’s like dang. Yeah, I would totally just

Marry you, haha. Yeah.

Oh, sure was so but then that makes me think. Maybe she put a spell on me. Yep.

Because I’ve never thought about her before, but she is a very, very beautiful woman. She’s really tall and she’s got just this really, really pretty face. And I just remember the first time I met her, I was like, dang, but, you know, I was dating her best friend. I mean I didn’t really think about her like that because you know, I had a lady, I was already really smitten with and she was just, you know, but she was so mean and uh you know, I could tell some of it was her just doing it to be funny, but some of it was just she just liked to be mean. And then I remember what she did in my pal, you know that she was The dude, she was with at the time me and him got to be friends and he was actually a really nice guy and I don’t know. I mean I you know how relationships are there’s no telling but like Like she was trying to eviscerate him and I just remember My ex wife doing shit like that, you know, her and her friends ganging up on some person. Just just really, though for fun not to really do anything more than that. They blew a bunch of crap out of proportion to justify being evil. Haha And that’s what Brittany tried to do to me, too. Like her fucking roommates were all in on that shit and I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget their names or their faces. Haha And uh I haven’t still haven’t looked and seen if she’s pecked on my other blogs because I don’t care anymore. But that’s what’s kind of funny about if that chick came along and kicked her out of kicked. Brittany out of my brains. And now I’m just like, well dang, you know?

Oh, it’s really funny.

But it’s like I said, I can’t do the concept album if I’m with her, but I would almost, you know, if it’s If it ends up. What what am I trying to say? If it’s like awesome as it is in my brains.

Uh then I totally am fine with that, but if it’s not, then I’m going to do, you know? I’ll just be a bump in the road. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t trust a lot of stuff like that. I used to, but uh,

I don’t know. It’s so stupid. It isn’t it? I mean, this is kind of what I’m talking about, like, The Narrative of my life. It’s like, this is totally something that would have been thrown in at the last, like, you know, the last couple of Seasons. So hey, let’s give him a A twin flame and a bunch of just Schizophrenic sounding and shit when he talks about it. Like, hey, there’s a woman in his brains again. You know, like what does that even mean?

But um, I don’t know, it’s just really funny that’s like okay you know instead of me having like a girlfriend for real or something and or like having some crazy adventure where like Uh you know it’s fun and exciting in my life is like cool and awesome. I get this weird crazy shit. And it’s just, yeah, and not that I’m complaining so much about working at a car factory. But, um,

I’m not going to lie, it’s gotten a lot more boring. I’m a lot less. Uh, Optimistic about everything as I was this time last year, you know? I was like, well I’ll get to get I can get into the maintenance program and I can do all this shit and I don’t I don’t know about that but you know I’m I did the team leader thing and I’m still waiting to hear back. I think everybody is though waiting to hear back from that.

6:07 AM
But at the same time, I don’t really feel like I’m team lead material but uh,

You know, I could be I just don’t think I’m a very good people manager. And I don’t care, you know like people’s complaining and whining and shit. I’m like I don’t really

Care about a lot of stuff. I am too much of an asshole dickhead. To be a team lead where I work because everybody they they’re actually really really nice people. Yeah. Like the team leads where I work are actually some of the best people I’ve ever met. The ones that I’ve met. I mean, I, I’ve heard stories of like some really shitty team leads, but I haven’t met them and they haven’t, you know, I haven’t worked around any of them, like the ones I’ve had or have just been like, wow, you guys are way better than I am. You know, when it comes to other people, you know. Which is a great thing because I am a Fucking really introverted antisocial, like even I’m really personable and nice and polite but I get overloaded so easily and uh,

I don’t know, I think it actually I probably could fix all that. It would be a good idea to stop being such a Dickhead, I don’t.

The hell’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with me? Yeah, Jesus Christ. Haha Thank you, please.