1:49 PM
5:13 PM
Okay. We’ll just use 2 time stamps.
Well, that was when I was originally going to make a post, but then I then I was like, well, I need a nap.
I tried I tried to take him out.
Tried to take him out. I tried to take a nap. Thank you.
Well, I got a whole bunch of hits on my blog earlier. And um I was like gosh, who could that be and then it hit me it was probably Stephanie And the reason I say that is she just deactivated her Facebook account?
But you know, like what does she even want from me anymore? I care about her.
She is a big reason I’ve been single for 5 and a half years though. Haha. And she read the post that I made on my 5-year anniversary of being single back in March. She dumped me on that Day. Haha and that had to be Stephanie anyways but um, Gosh, I feel kind of bad but then it’s like, you know, I would have married her And all she did by dumping me like she.
Did what? I guess I didn’t want to use the word did twice like in the same.
You know. In a different.
I didn’t want to use it twice in the same sentence in different ways.
All she showed me by dumping me the way she did. Yeah, there we go. Haha, is that she can’t make a fucking commitment, you know? And she yanked me around and she would like apologize and then reel me back in and, you know, she’s a really special chick and I made up a whole album. An entire album like 12 songs.
I just like a whole album called the Stephanie album. About her all just about her and most of it is
How much I loved her? Yeah, there’s the kisses for Stephanie song.
Oh gosh. You know, there’s this other song called Happy. We could be happy and it’s real. Like Super happy. It’s the happiest fucking song I ever made up. And I actually just remember, you know, I might try to work that 1 out, actually, it’s a really good song. Almost forgot about it. Because I, I don’t really revisit the Stephanie album a lot. She broke my heart like really, really bad though. And then, you know, I was like, well, whatever. And Out of the blue about a month or so after that she messaged me like, hey, I’m sorry. And I was like, okay.
And, you know, uh,
We would message back and forth and get to talking and all that stuff again. And I mean, it was just so easy for me to fall for her all over again. You know, she’s so lovable and pettable. That’s the thing about Stephanie. Is that she is just the most pettable just Mashable lovable woman in the whole universe.
And uh you know it just but then she got with some different guy and started. Like messaging me, she’d send me pictures and stuff and
Uh, I don’t know. This is why I made. Yeah, I want I went too far making a post Anyways though, that kind of stuff and just yanking me around and then uh, I just don’t know what she wants because You know, 2 years ago, she came back and we hung out and stuff and it really hurt a lot. Like it just made me want to Run away, you know, forever away from her and she just never will leave me alone and I guess I’m too nice about it. I really am.
I’ve been so nice about it.
Because she hasn’t had a normal life either, you know, and she at her very core. She is a good person. She’s just. You know, nobody’s perfect but my heart can’t trust her and that’s I don’t know, I don’t know what she thought because she messaged me a couple times. Last week I was just kind of, like, blah. I was too tired to really care or even think of anything to respond with and it just
It just sucks, you know?
But she’s the last person I was with she’s the last Lady, you know. The last anything, you know, anybody. And so you know that’s just like I kind of have to be extra careful when she messages me because it’s like I’ll just be like you know, it doesn’t take a lot for me to just be like, oh my gosh, Stephanie, you’re so pretty again, all over again, you know, it’s so dumb.
And I don’t know the there’s a part of me who feels that maybe she’s keeping me kind of on a string, you know, cuz I am really stupid. And she knows how stupid I fucking am. But like she I mean it hurt so much the last time and it’s like no it’s not I’m not that stupid, you know? I’m stupid but
I have my limits, it has limits. Yeah, there’s limits to my stupidity here!
Anyways.
But um yeah I’m not going. Yeah, I’m not going off on another. Yeah, I was thinking I just thought of something else but it’s like no just hope she finds somebody that You know, um, she can be happy with With just them and not try to like romanticize past relationships or whatever. The heck. But, you know, to me, she was very, very, very special. Like she was 6 out of 6, you know? It’s like, yep.
I was single for a year and a half before I met her and that’s the thing. I was like, you know, Had healed up from my previous entanglement with this chick named Hannah, uh, And Hannah was the worst 1. She was the absolute worst 1, and I don’t talk about her ever because
Um, I was afraid for my life, like the last time I saw her it was
Anyways, I got away and it was really crazy and Stupid.
But it took me a long time to get over that. It was really traumatic. That was the most traumatic bunch of crazy shit I’ve ever. Like been subjected to from a a lady. I mean she was the only 1 who treated anyways. I’m not I’m not going to go off about all that. What was I going to say though? I’m going to have to edit a lot of that out.
Uh, but yeah anyways I don’t know, it just makes me feel bad because I really do care about stuff in me. Haha Stephanie. But you know she she needs to let me go. Yeah. It’s like,
I did though, I loved I loved her so much I would have married Stephanie. I would have It would have had a lot of kids. I know that between the 2 of us.
Um,
Gosh, that’s just
Just really. I really did.
Really loved her.
I made more music and art out of Stephanie than I did. Like, Because of her, more any other lady. That’s a big reason why you know it’s like gosh I just don’t know that I could that I would want to fall in. Love like that again and then it get Ripped out from under me, like like that. It was just so Awful.
Anyways, um, Gosh. Well, I could work on some music.
Thought about that. I have that new amp my little practice amp. And my voice isn’t. It doesn’t feel as fucked up. I’ve been eating better but I got the kids. That’s the thing I don’t, you know, we went I was on, I’ve been on this bland diet, which isn’t bad at all. It’s just like
It’s really nice actually. And, um, I got some spinach earlier and
So, spinach and chicken and prolonged cheese and this fucking shit. This. I think it’s called Mountain white bread, it’s from Publix and the kids eat it. Like they’ll eat a whole loaf of it. I had to get 2 loaves of it. Yesterday and they ate almost every bit of it.
But um, it’s really good on sandwiches that you can get it sliced. And uh, that that’s what I ate 2 of those sandwiches earlier. And I’ve been eating cantaloupe and that’s how I’ve been eating all week. Yeah, until yesterday, uh, we got this.
Um, I don’t want to talk about that God. Yeah, cuz I didn’t make. A lot of stuff happened since my last blog post.
You know, anyone who is
I’m trying to talk myself up out of being sad. I just made myself really sad. Talking and thinking about Stephanie, you know, it just really It’s like just, you know,
I hope her life is great and all, but you know, we didn’t work out
But I really do care about her. That’s why it makes me feel like shit. And that’s why there’s a line, you know, when she like Blocks me and then unblocks me 2 or 3 months later and sends me a friend request, you know, just completely not prompted at all. Like, you know, I’ll be like what happened to Stephanie? Oh, she blocked me, you know,
And uh she comes back. She does that 2 or 3 times a year. For The Last 5 Years.
Yep.
Thank you, please.
