9:41 PM
Well, I am trying to figure out what to do, what I want to do.
What do I want to do?
Well, you know, Sundays are always Bittersweet kind of its like Yeah, I’m off work but tomorrow is back to it.
Yep.
I think here after a while. I’m going to rest a little more. I woke up at
5:30 or something. So I got a pretty decent amount of sleep.
And um,
Went to Publix again and got more of that London, something roast beef. It’s really good on the Brio with the Vermont chatter.
Yeah, I’ll Bosch bread with.
Bows.
Bosch bread. Whatever you stupid app uh, with the Vermont. Cheddar cheese. Yes. And It’s just so good. And I’ve eaten already, the most of the second pack that I bought
In fig bars. I’ve been eating A lot of Fig bars.
Shit, I’m actually getting kind of tired. I’ve only been up maybe 4 hours though, but I guess that’s kind of the thing too about Sundays. I make myself do a bunch of shit on Saturdays. Usually. And I did last night, you know, I stayed up Pushing it pretty hard with music.
But,
I’ve got to balance out the lyrics of the song for about my sister. I can’t make it too bad. You know, because she is.
A good person. Yeah. My sister is a really good person and she’s a terrific wonderful mom. You know.
And she has really dealt with. She’s overcome a lot of crazy shit. So, but I, have to because it came out and it’s like, you know, that’s actually a really good song.
Yeah, it is. I just strummed it a little bit reminding myself that it’s actually pretty good. I just have to, uh, like, where do I start? You know. Well,
Uh,
The day or so before she was born.
Oh gosh, I think it was called Bargain Town back then. It was uh, and I don’t even know is the building even still there and that in Albertville in downtown Albertville?
Uh, I bought I saved up all my pennies. I had a 200 pennies I remember I was 3 years old and I remember having 200 pennies And Haha uh yeah, I do I have memories from really far back.
It’s kind of incredible how far back I remember. But, uh, Oh gosh, oh my goodness. That’s another story actually. But um I remember there was this little banana squeaky toy. It was a dog toy, I liked it. It had eyeballs. This was 1983. Yeah, and I bought it. With my pennies and I didn’t use all my pennies though. It was I think I think I used
84, something pennies. Because The cashier who was A teenager with Brown curly 80s hair. And a Yellow blouse. Haha She had on make up. I remember smelling her make up you know and I don’t know if My sister still even has that thing. But that’s, uh, I bought that and I loved my sister so much. I still do, you know? But, uh, I just remember when she was born, she was still the littlest baby.
And I remember holding her and her little baby head.
You know, my my sister, uh,
We had the same parents, you know, but our upbringings were really different. So yeah, my dad treated me like Stupid crap garbage and treated her. Like she was, you know, perfect, and mom treated me like I was perfect and like my sister was stupid. Crap garbage. And, uh, But I think Mom was actually a lot worse to my sister than my dad was to me and that’s pretty bad. Yeah. Pretty freakin bad. It was Really stupid that my sister got, uh,
I don’t know she she internalized everything a lot more than I did. I was like, fuck this shit. I checked out and she was just like, you know, present.
Oh, it was so stupid. We had these stupidest fucking parents. I don’t even know where to start. I love my mom. I miss her every day. Really. I love my dad. Sometimes I really miss my dad but holy shit. What some
Self-absorbed, fucking
Gosh, I just I don’t know. But they, um, Had these massive egos that was backed by their abilities to affect things in you know, the real world like my dad was just the most badass dude ever. And my mom. Brilliant.
Insanely talented Musician. She had a 7 octave vocal range. You know, so it’s not like I just come from some bullshit or anything.
And neither does my sister, you know, my sister’s really fucking awesome. And, uh, you know, there there’s some differences, though, she’s a Christian. She has Jesus tattooed on her ring finger after she had her last divorce, I guess, she just said, fuck it. I’m married to Jesus now and that’s, you know, She’s not, a Trump supporter.
But uh, neither was my mom. My mom was not a trump supporter either. She said That guy is a creep piece of shit. Um super, you know Christian just like fanatical Uh, My mom was a fanatic Southern Baptist. But she wasn’t. Stupid, you know really intense? And really, uh, yeah. I guess, you know, we get a lot of that, the, the super ego, you know, we get a lot of that, our parents affected a lot of that.
I don’t know where to start talking about this. I’m just talking about the song, you know. I’m I’m going off in a whole other direction because, you know, it’s just the song about my sister. I’m trying to figure out how where I’m going to start. I’m going to start, I think with buying the banana toy and, uh, you know, just kind of painting a whole picture and then the end of it where she, uh, Practically disowns. Me after I escaped her Egg Plantation.
It was the dumbest bunch of shit. I don’t that’s really what made me question like the divorce. And how my family acted. Really made me question a lot of things about not just reality, but like who the hell are these people? You know, these people that I cared about and put first, more than anything, I cared way more about my dad, helping my dad and him being okay than I did about my own stupid music career bullshit and I cared a whole lot more about my ex-wife. In the exact same way. So, you know, I mean Jesus Christ.
I hate myself so fucking much, you know, sometimes so bad but then it’s like, you know, actually I’m, I’m not not that bad.
Uh, today, my daughter was sad because her mom wouldn’t buy her a smoothie so I cash apped her Mom, 20 bucks and was like, you know, and she’s like, what the hell is this for? I was like, please buy our precious daughter a smoothie
Yeah. I was just trying to get her to do it. She’s like, oh, did she laughed? She thought it was funny and then she bought her a smoothie. You know like if I swear to God, if I was not 2 hours away I would have got 1 and brought it to her and some sushi and got my son the chicken and bread from Publix. Yeah. Like if I lived closer to my kids, if I only lived an hour away or 30 minutes away, I would have done that.
Oh my goodness. But uh, I’m really happy. It’s like, oh, that’s right. I can make up a song about my sister because she really is, she broke my fucking heart. Like, real bad. I don’t know how me escaping a job. Where they paid me 5, dollars an hour and expected me to work. 10 hours a day for 7 days a week. I think they were going to give me like, 1 day off. I don’t remember. It was stupid. And I can’t put it into words. How Just, you know, well what the hell?
I guess that you probably need a little more content text. Yeah. For context for that. Yeah. Content text. I don’t. That just it did that. I wasn’t the app that was me.
Just came outbthat way. I, I was, uh, Hahaha
I’m over explaining that.
But I got really sad. Um I think that was my last post. Yeah. Um,
But I cheered up after I bought my daughter a smoothie.
I’ll probably get them next week again, I don’t know exactly what we’ll do though. We’ll um
Since I can only get them for 1 night, we’ll probably go stay in Hoover or something.
And I don’t know. Go to the Asian market and some other stuff and I keep forgetting to go to the European market up here.
Um, Yep.
But yeah, I guess, uh,
Just thinking I was thinking about,
How ignorant? Yeah, my fucking family. Like it’s just like, wow. Yeah.
I do though, I have some really cool cousins though, I really do. And I have like my aunts, I love my aunts. I don’t really care much for my uncle, my dad’s brother at all and uh, or his wife. But ironically, they made the probably 2, best people on my dad’s side of the family, you know? Yeah. You know, after me and my sister hahaha, No seriously though
Andrew and Nathan are like, really. Really awesome but then you know so is my sister like they like as far as like career and actually doing things and You know, uh,
They all have phds, you know. So it’s like I’m proud of y’all.
And I’m the oldest out of that group of us because we all like
We all grew up, like, right in the same little area and, uh, you know, I’m the 1 that got, I don’t know. I was, I don’t know exactly what about me. But I am the the black sheep of that family. I’m not of my mom’s side though. Yeah. There’s like oh my gosh. But on my dad’s side, totally
I totally am.
It’s weird. And I think the only 1 of the relatable things, uh, I was watching the uh, that Jesco White documentary. Yeah. Uh, was it what was it called? The dancing Outlaw or something. He was talking about his dad. Treated him that way. And that was the 1, you know? I mean, well, that wasn’t the only relatable thing but that was. I was like, wow. Yeah, me too, dude. That sucks. That’s like the shittiest.
Fucking bunch of crap. What the hell is wrong with parents? You know, I don’t understand it. I couldn’t imagine like Treating my son, the way, my dad treated me at all. It’s like you fucking
Dickhead piece of shit. Yeah.
God. But then like his dad was a billion times worse. My granddaddy was horrible.
And so, Uh, I mean, I don’t even I mean not like, I mean, he was like a crazy wild animal.
That’s all my granddaddy was.
You know, it’s, I don’t even want to talk about all that, uh,
Just jeez.
Yep. But yeah, the song about my sister, I’m just going off all over the place. It seems like there’s other stuff I have to talk about. Yeah. Like I end up, you know, like, uh, earlier. I was, uh, I know I didn’t mention Brittany in the last couple of posts but um, I think I did. Yeah. But
10:00 PM
You know, I was kind of bored poking around.
Uh, Oh, that’s what it was. That chick that I used to hide from. When I worked at the car seat Factory. She posted an update. I I’m friends with her on 1 of my fake accounts. It’s kind of funny but uh, I worry about her, you know. It’s like 1 of those there’s nothing I could have done. Like I, you know, on 1 hand I’m not dating an 18 year old which she’s 21 now but it’s like no fucking way. And on the other hand you know, uh to see her as a human being, you know, cuz after that, she became a stripper. And you know, she looks pretty strung out sometimes, but then she got pregnant. And she was posting like some pictures of her belly and she has her, uh, Gift registry up which I think when I get paid next week, I’m going to get her some diapers or something because that was the uh, I remember the 1 thing that we never could have enough of was doctors when we had when I had babies, I mean that’s like, always every time I went to the store I bought a pack of diapers or more like 2 packs or like a whole buggy full of diapers.
You just can’t have enough diapers.
And uh, yeah, the doctor Jeanie. Oh my gosh. The Diaper Genie. We had a and, you know, that thing would go out over 2 or 3 Days To the trash. You know, dozens of diapers. Yeah you never you can’t have, you can’t get enough when you have a baby.
So I thought about, you know, that
Because I really care about her. I felt sorry for her, you know, it’s like
Yeah, you know.
She lived in a trailer park and it’s
I really do care about people but I can’t you know, I just can’t let everybody into my life. Um but then from there I was like looking at uh Brittany’s stuff and looking. She’s got a friend that they do stuff like her bestie or something they like do stuff all the time and she always posts pictures and Brittany’s always hanging around in the background or something. That’s like that chick. She’s got a boyfriend. And it’s just like, Brittany is hanging around like a third wheel, you know, and that made me feel bad. It’s like, you know, and she pecks on my blog. Almost every other day during the week, pretty much. And uh,
I’ve been thinking a lot about her like this week, a lot more than, you know, usual. I try not to, you know, but uh, it just makes me feel bad. Because I couldn’t help running away from her.
And, you know, it is such a long story but
I just don’t understand why her and I aren’t together.
I’m sure there’s a good reason for it, but I don’t know what it is.
I thought about making some coffee. I gotta lay off the Celsius. Uh, stuff. It’s like this energy packs with their 200 milligrams of caffeine, and that to me is great, but they’re really citrusy and abrasive. And it fucks with my stuff
So, I can’t really, I don’t really need to
Mess with that. But yeah, I was looking around at those pictures and stuff and uh, It’s just like, dang Brittany, you know, like The hell’s wrong with you and like, I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t know why she Has me blocked on anything and she’ll you know she’s unblocked me and blocked me. And you know, of course, no communication. Other than that and pecking on my blog And uh, you know, will she ever unblock me again? I don’t know.
It really makes me sad. I just want to pet her nose.
I miss looking at her nose.
I can’t believe all that was over 3 years ago now, you know, it’s like dang and it’s coming up up on me at the 8 year anniversary of meeting my ex fiance. And I remember when that was a year or 2 down, you know, behind me and I was just like, dang, I can’t believe it’s been a whole year, you know, I can’t believe it’s been 4 years and now it’s 8 years, same thing with the divorce,
But I guess,
I’m just going to focus on. The music and stuff, and
Not worry so much about.
That’s that. Yeah, I don’t I don’t know what else to say. I’m getting tired of talking.
But I do sometimes really miss having a family.
I miss, you know, like I just
Like it’s I’ll look at my Facebook memories, you know, 10, 15 years ago and My sister comments and Reacts to almost everything I posted and So did my ex-wife and I had some aunts and uh, you know, more cousins and stuff that did shit and
You know, everybody, we had get togethers, they they still do without me, you know, it’s like
It’s really stupid.
And my dad, hates my guts. He doesn’t say that. I think his wife makes him do like text me and stuff on my birthday. My daughter makes me You know, like, on Father’s Day, she made me text my dad. She’s like text your Dad. Happy Father’s Day. It’s like dang it, you know. You text your dad, happy birthday. You know, it’s like you know, yes ma’am. This kind of funny. My daughter is so much better than I am. That’s, uh, it’s so great.
So is my son they’re just so much better than me, but
I don’t know, I don’t feel the rage, at my dad, like I did, uh, but it comes and goes, sometimes it comes back really bad. I remember 1 day I was talking to my friend Justin, he was talking about my dad asking about my dad. I was like I’m going to tell you When my dad dies because I know he’s going to have some kind of monument at the cemetery. You know, I’m going to smash that fucking thing to bits and I’m going to diarrhea all over it.
But I don’t know that I would really do that, but I might, I don’t know.
My fucking dad, but at the same like right now, I just don’t, you know, I don’t feel like that right now. I don’t think goodness Well, I’m going to wrap this stupid post up and
Probably make some fucking coffee. Nobody can stop me. Ha! Ha! Ha ha. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha! That’s my last weekend. Of Night Shift though. So Yeah, next weekend’s rotation weekend, and I’m going to miss it. I love night shift weekends.
Well, it’s good for my music and all that stuff, day shift weekends, is when I get the kids more when I’m able to do more with the kids.
So anyways, I really need to change the oil in my car tomorrow. I’m going to
Probably do that. I’m either going to wake up kind of early and do that or I’m going to stay up late.
Thank you, please.
