8:53 AM
Yeah, it’s Halloween.
Eho.
Eho, it’s Halloween.
I said Yeehaw! Thank you.
What am I doing? I’m just laying in the bed. It is. Almost 9 a.m. and I slept and slept.
Thought about going back. To sleep.
And sleeping some more. Yeah, I’m kind of just like blah right now because I had a whole bunch of stuff I thought. I was going to do stuff with the kids tonight, but, um,
Nope. And why not? Because Just in the last couple of days, We had this shit planned, you know? And uh, for over a month, I thought. I had been really looking forward to spending Halloween with the kids and walking around downtown where they live.
Uh just with them. My son was going to be Napoleon and my daughter is going to be somebody from Gravity Falls. I never watched the show so I can’t remember who she said
And I was going to be the hatman and I say was, I guess they’re still going to be that stuff. But uh, I don’t know like, a couple days ago. My son was like, I’m going to a party with my friends and my daughter messaged me yesterday. After I got off work, I checked my phones and she was like oh yeah Dad uh I’m going to do a bunch of stuff with my friends. Sorry. And it’s like, wow. I was looking forward to all that, like, I was. So looking forward so much looking forward and I’m glad I haven’t I’m really glad I didn’t book the hotel room. I was going to do that last night.
Um, you know
I guess that’s a good thing. I was going to wait till the last minute for something was, I don’t know. Just something wouldn’t Let me book it early for some reason. I was like, well, I’m glad I didn’t so
But uh,
Yes, so I’m not doing anything for Halloween, you know, I was so stressed out. Last weekend because I couldn’t find a trench coat and I finally got 1 and then it’s like well, I guess, that’s what happens when you have teenagers, you know?
It really sucks because, uh, it’s Saturday night also and, you know, Halloween doesn’t always fall on a Saturday And, Uh,
I was just really excited and looking forward to doing something fun with the kids. And Then they just made plans at the last minute, you know, it’s
Made me really sad because I don’t really have much of a life outside of like,
Work and uh I’m so sick of my job.
And the people I work with in the immediate area. Of course, Two of them was. They weren’t there? Uh, yesterday. So actually, yesterday was pretty good and the stupid guy who hates my guts. You know, he tried to stare at me and be a little shit, but it didn’t really work and it’s like, yay. He seemed kind of sad yesterday who cares why you know, but the 2 other dudes laid out And uh,
They moved the team lead guy, the favoritism guy, they moved him back to, where he came from, and we got our old team lead back, and that was a really great. So, I knew it would either like get better or go away and, uh, It hasn’t completely went away, but it’s gotten better and that’s fine.
But yeah, I’m just really um,
I don’t really know what.
I feel really awful though. It’s it’s not like
It’s like dang, I sure was looking forward to that and it’s uh I guess it’s just part of
Being a parent and having teenagers and they have their own lives and everything.
But it’s kind of dumb because I had planned. You know, we had planned to do stuff and
And at the last minute, you know,
Well, not the very last minute, but just like, in the last couple days, it’s like no way or, you know, I think Thursday. Yeah, that’s when I oh, my, my ex-wife was like, your son is supposed to go to some party and I’m like, really, we were supposed to walk around downtown together and do shit. And then, you know, uh, yesterday which was Friday.
Yeah, my daughter texted me and was like, Yeah, Dad me and my friends are going to do a bunch of stuff. So you can come down there or whatever but I’ve got a bunch of stuff to do now and it’s like, well, that Is fine. It sucks for me, but I want them to go out and have fun and do what they want to do.
It’s just, uh, I had planned on You know. I guess that’s just how it goes. So I don’t I don’t really know what I’m going to do today. I don’t really want to do anything actually depressed as shit about it. But I don’t, you know, I’m not going to tell my kids that because then they’ll feel bad.
I want them to have a lot of fun and have a fun. You know, happy Halloween and, uh,
I mean I can’t put into words how much I’ve been looking forward to it though. So it’s like, okay.
My life is so stupid. Uh anyways so um I just thought well you know I get it.
Maybe I’ll work on music or something.
Oh, I mean I have I guess I’ll save my money and I’m probably going to go.
Walking here after a while. I don’t really
I’m really like,
Really sad. I am. Yep, I’m really sad about it.
I went to the gym after work Yesterday and I just I couldn’t even like I did maybe 30 minutes worth of shit and then I just left. I was like, man, I’m so sad. And uh, I got home and I ate, and I fell asleep. And I woke up at like, 2:00, 2:00 a.m. And I was so sad and then I went back to sleep and woke up at like 5:30 so sad. Went back to sleep and then you know, I just woke up and I’m still just sad. I’m sad about it because I was looking forward to it so much.
I don’t think I’ve looked forward so much to something like I have
Uh, you know, in a long time.
I’m really just like, blah. Blah, blah, blah. My stupid fucking life.
I was so like happy and excited about it. I had like looked around. I was going to like, oh my gosh. I was going to try to do like all kind of weird like makeup stuff to make it look even creepier. And I’m not going to do anything now.
Just uh,
I don’t know, of course that in unravels this, uh, A whole existential thing where it’s like do my kids really even need me anymore? You know, which I’ve struggled with the last few years as it is especially like after everything happened. And in 2023. And, uh, last year, well, not last year 2024 was really like
I’m just like it’s just, what am I even trying to say? I’m too. Sad to even fucking give a shit. I’ll probably feel better after I walk though. But uh,
Dang, What a bunch of crap, my life, you know, it really is.
It’s so stupid.
Because I haven’t, you know, I don’t ever get to spend Halloween with them. I think the last time I did anything, well it was 2023. But like
You know, I had to miss work to do it and then uh, Before that it was
- Which I guess it wasn’t that long ago. But it was during the day and before that, it had been like 2018, which I guess was, you know, I don’t get to Spend Halloween with my kids every year, but, of course, now they’re at the age where they want to go do their own thing. And, uh, I don’t know, I’m just sad about it because it all happened all of a sudden, like We had made plans, you know, And uh, now It’s like, dang.
I’m pretty much just a background character in their lives. And they’re the only things keeping me from blowing my brains out. So it’s like, well,
Heck you know what else can I say? Yeah, I’m just uh
Probably going to get my stuff on here in a minute. And go walk and maybe that’ll make me feel better. And if it doesn’t, I’ll just
Go back to sleep, haha.
Hahaha. Oh gosh.
Happy Halloween everybody. Thank you, please.
